wish list for 2015-end of the year laugh for old salts

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by topnative2, Dec 31, 2014.

  1. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    >
    >
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    > Wish list for 2015
    >
    > Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten
    > minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!
    >
    > Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met
    > yet.
    >
    > The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about!
    >
    > I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks!
    >
    > I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
    >
    > Old age is coming at a really bad time!
    >
    > When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown
    > up, it just feels like a small vacation.
    >
    > The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll
    > remember it."
    >
    > Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the
    > courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I finally
    > snap!
    >
    > I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
    >
    > My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
    > work.
    >
    > Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a
    > piece of paper.
    >
    > If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
    >
    > I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
    >
    > I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do
    > that second week.
    >
    > I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
    >
    > Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
    >
    > Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me
    > to someone I can't understand anyway?
    >
    > Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
    >
    > Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
    >
    > Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
    >
    > At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I
    > came in there for!
    >
    > Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree ... that makes it a plant which
    > means ... chocolate is a veggie!!!
     
  2. fishicaltherapist

    fishicaltherapist I Love microskiff.com!

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    That's great. If I may add 1: My 90 year old Dad defines an "ALL NIGHTER" as, NOT having to get up ALL NIGHT to pee. ;)
     

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