old timers

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by topnative2, Jun 3, 2015.

  1. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    Snotty Receptionist…
    Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam.
    Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
    The waiting room was filled with patients.
    As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
    I gave her my name.
    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
    But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.
    The room erupted in applause!
    DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!!
     
  2. fishicaltherapist

    fishicaltherapist I Love microskiff.com!

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    Now THAT'S a good one!!! [smiley=1-lmao.gif] [smiley=1-lmao.gif]
     

  3. fishicaltherapist

    fishicaltherapist I Love microskiff.com!

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    What did the Dr. say to the invisible man???? :-/ Sorry, I can't see :eek: you today!
     
  4. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    I was visiting my daughter last night and asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

    "This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers.

    Here, use my iPad."

    I can tell you this... that f----ing fly never knew what hit him...
     
  5. Brett

    Brett > PRO STAFF <

    I'm reaching out on behalf of an old fish'n buddy of mine who needs some help!
    His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him with their love life.
    When he came back, he handed her some diet pills.
    Anyway, he's looking for a place to live. Let me know if you can help.
     
  6. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    If Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner goes missing,
    Will they put his/her picture on a carton of Half & Half ?
     
  7. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    The older we get the wiser we become:


    We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our
    candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. Bought two
    Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front yard;
    one at each corner plus a black flag of ISIS in the center.
    Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA,
    NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies
    are all watching the house 24/7.
    I've never felt safer and we're saving $49.95 a month!
     
  8. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    Two hours into my first day of work as a Wal-Mart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids.

    Hearing her swear at them, I said, ‘Good morning, welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice kids, are they twins?’

    The mom answered, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or stupid?’

    I replied, ‘I’m not blind or stupid. I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice.

    Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.’ My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work!
     
  9. anytide

    anytide Administrator Staff Member

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    hahahahah !!
    :)
     
  10. topnative2

    topnative2 Well-Known Member

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    While strolling around the Marina this morning about 7 am., I noticed
    a character shouting "Allah Akbar" and "Death to all infidels" then
    suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay
    afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get
    help he would surely drown. Being a responsible citizen, and abiding
    by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I
    informed the Police, the Coastguard, the Immigration Office and even
    the Fire Department.

    It is now 11 a.m., the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities
    have yet to respond. I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps