Non PC Humour Thread

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by EdK13, Dec 6, 2017.

  1. EdK13

    EdK13 I Love microskiff.com!

    607
    613
    218
    Rand Paul Twitter Savagery

    [​IMG]
     
    makin moves likes this.
  2. Megalops

    Megalops Rex Kwan Do Dojo

    1,226
    611
    978
    Hair lip Jonny went trick or treating on Halloween. He moseyed on over to his neighbor and rather enthusiastically rang the doorbell. An elderly gentleman with a beaming smile opened the door and held out a large bowl of goodies.

    "Brick or breat!" shouted Jonny.

    "Oh, hiya Jonny. You mean trick or treat!" the old man chuckled. "What are you dressed up as on this spooky night?"

    "I'm a birate!"

    "Oh! You mean you're a pirate. Say, Jonny," and here the old man leaned in conspiratorially. "Where are your buccaneers?"

    "They're on the side of my head, you asshole!"
     

  3. Whiskey Angler

    Whiskey Angler I Love microskiff.com!

    787
    722
    218
    Which hand?
    FB_IMG_1515852325315.jpg
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018 at 9:12 AM
    sjrobin likes this.
  4. Vertigo

    Vertigo Carpe Diem

    1,061
    402
    938
    We recently tried a new restaurant here in Yankeetown that featured a young ventriloquist as entertainment. With his dummy on his knee, he started going through the usual dumb blonde jokes.

    Suddenly a blonde woman at the table next to us stood on her chair and started shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It’s people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!”

    The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologize, but the blonde yelled: “You stay out of this! ... I’m talking to that little shit on your lap.”
     
    Carivera, Megalops, paulrad and 4 others like this.
  5. Roger_Cook

    Roger_Cook I Love microskiff.com!

    135
    85
    103
    I witnessed the same situation in a comedy club, blonde got offended. This one didn't stop at complaining, she pulled a razor out of her purse. Fortunately there was no place to plug it in.
     
    Megalops and Hoyt_Dow like this.
  6. MooreMiller

    MooreMiller Well-Known Member

    84
    56
    93
    Bubba and Leeroy were sitting on the porch drinking one afternoon. The old hound dog was sitting there lickin himself, just goin to town. Now, this is a MALE dog, lickin himself. Bubba leans over to Leeroy and tells him, “Man, I sure wish I could do that!” Leeroy leans over, spits off the porch, takes a pause and then replies, “Well... you can give it a try but he’s bound to bite ya.”
     
    GullsGoneWild and LowHydrogen like this.
  7. paulrad

    paulrad Well-Known Member

    48
    55
    103
    Guy's alarm goes off at 0330. He shuts it off quickly to avoid disturbing the wife. He's gets up, gets his coffee, gathers up his fishing stuff into the truck. When he opens the garage door and backs out he sees that it's pouring down rain. He stops a minute to think things over and finally thinks better of it and pulls back in. He closes the garage door and comes back to his bedroom, again taking care not to turn on the light and annoy his wife. He then gets undressed and climbs into bed with her. He says "It's raining cats and dogs out there." The wife says, "Ya. Can you believe my husband is out there fishing in this weather?" :D
     
  8. Vertigo

    Vertigo Carpe Diem

    1,061
    402
    938
    We get a lot of visitors from up North here in Yankeetown. Just last week a minister from New Hampshire was visiting the local nature preserve when he found a helpless man wearing shorts, sandals, and an old ‘Vote for Hillary’ tee shirt.

    The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about trying to free himself from the grasp of a 13 foot alligator.

    As the minister watched in horror, a group of local Crackers all wearing ‘Go Trump’ shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the alligator’s head.

    The two other men pulled the semiconscious Hillary supporter from the alligator's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three Crackers finished off the alligator.

    Two of the men dragged the dead alligator onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat.

    As they began to leave, the minister called all of them over to him “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly proclaimed. “I have heard there was bitter hatred in the South between Republicans and Democratics , but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”

    As the minister drove off, one Crackers asked his buddies, “Who was that guy?”

    “Dude, that was one of them Yankee preachers,” another replied. “They's supposed to be pretty damn smart...got them phd things and all."

    “Well,” the first Cracker said, “he may be real smart but he don’t know shit about alligator hunting. By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to order another one from California?”
     
  9. Hoyt_Dow

    Hoyt_Dow I Love microskiff.com!

    75
    16
    333
    Love me, love my dog.
     
  10. Megalops

    Megalops Rex Kwan Do Dojo

    1,226
    611
    978
    Man, can’t you muster up a simple joke?

    What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper? Ruff!
     
    GullsGoneWild, yobata and LowHydrogen like this.
  11. Hoyt_Dow

    Hoyt_Dow I Love microskiff.com!

    75
    16
    333
    My dog disappeared. He was a labracadabrador.
     
    LowHydrogen likes this.
  12. Megalops

    Megalops Rex Kwan Do Dojo

    1,226
    611
    978
  13. yobata

    yobata I Love microskiff.com!

    1,767
    969
    718
    I feel a little bad about making fun of Sen Hatch for forgetting his glasses were not on his head, my grandma does this too

     
    makin moves likes this.
  14. yobata

    yobata I Love microskiff.com!

    1,767
    969
    718
    These maniacs who drink "raw water" which has an expiration date of only a couple of weeks because "it will turn green"

    [​IMG]
     
  15. SomaliPirate

    SomaliPirate Well-Known Member

    544
    885
    218
    Why did the blonde spend ten minutes staring at a can of orange juice? It said "concentrate" on the label.