Bad Day At Work

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by tom_in_orl, May 4, 2009.

  1. tom_in_orl

    tom_in_orl Founder of Microskiff, Member of the Gheenoe Army

    Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

    Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

    Hi Sue,

    Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

    Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

    As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature.. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

    Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water.. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

    Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. With in a few seconds my butt started to burn. Â I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

    The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

    When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.

    I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

    Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

    When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.

    The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

    Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'

    Now whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?
  2. Un-shore

    Un-shore Well-Known Member

    O-M-G that had to hurt!

    I'm going to cancel my Dr. apointment for carpel tunnel.

  3. Brett

    Brett > PRO STAFF <

    just to add injury to insult...
  4. HaMm3r

    HaMm3r Well-Known Member

    That’s funny about the jellyfish. It reminds me of a similar story from my youth….

    Years ago, when I was but a teen that lived for nothing else other than to catch that next wave, my best friend Lar and I were out surfing the New Smyrna side of Ponce Inlet. It was a perfect summer day with plenty of sun, a decent swell and just the lightest offshore breeze. Truly perfect conditions, except for one thing…jellyfish!

    Every so often as we were paddling back out into the line-up after a nice ride, one of us would run into a swarm of them below the surface, usually while duck-diving through an incoming wave. Most of the time, it would just be an unpleasant experience as dozen of the disgusting rubbery creatures bounced and brushed against your arms and face, but occasionally one would stay in contact long enough to get you. A sting was routinely followed by a bit of swearing, rubbing and scratching, after which the discomfort was forgotten as the next set loomed on the horizon.

    As I recall, I had not been able to get in position for a decent set that was coming in to the south of us, but Lar was, and I remember watching him appear and disappear as he completed a long run of cutbacks and bottom turns. Once I saw him paddling back out, I turned away to hunt for my next wave and saw a smaller set headed right for us. I paddled over lazily to get in position but let the waves pass as I’d deemed them unsuitable.

    Lying on my board, I watched for my friend as he dove under the breakers and saw him appear with a grimace on his face. As soon as his chest contacted the board, he reached around behind him quickly, as if to swat something on the small of his back. I heard a distinct “splat” and then Lar screamed out “Mother F%$^@#!” I paddled over immediately, shouting “dude, what’s wrong?!”, fearing the worst.

    Turns out a jellyfish had gotten caught on the waistband of his boardshorts, right below the center of his back. When he felt the first sting he attempted to smack it away, but instead crushed and popped it. The resulting stinging slime spread across his back, through his shorts, into his buttcrack and, since he was lying face down on his board, it flowed over his balls and just about everywhere else in that general vicinity!

    Once I realized what had happened and decided he was probably going to survive, I absolutely lost it! I nearly drowned I was laughing so hard! Lar however, was not laughing and continued moaning and cursing for a good two hours or more, until the burning subsided and I finally stopped chuckling about it.

    It was a long, silent ride home that evening…I’m just glad I drove! ;D
  5. Un-shore

    Un-shore Well-Known Member

    I was spearfishing and opened up my wetsuit to cool off and got one around my neck and on the chest so I can relate, pain o rama! Felt sick the rest of the day too.
  6. Brett

    Brett > PRO STAFF <

    Wakeboarding, Biscayne Bay, Portuguese man-o-war, both legs.
    Sent a thank you letter to Adolph's Meat Tenderizer, Inc.
  7. Flyline

    Flyline Won &quot;Do More With Less&quot; Award!

    OMG! That's too funny! I couldn't help it!

    Jellyfish want to warn you guys to stay off my wada! Lmao!
  8. noeettica

    noeettica Well-Known Member

    I think the jellyfish was worse than what Happened to Me ...

    I was about 16 riding a trail bike on the side of a revene about 50 feet streight down very curvy and narrow required both hands to keep bike from carrening down the embankement ...

    Going Down the trail there was a tree Limb and on that tree Limb was a Hornets nest my helmet hit the nest and filled with Hornets Full Face shield ... So The stings Continued Untill I could Ride Out of there ... A Looong time .... Much Pain ...5 Miles from Home ...

  9. Brett

    Brett > PRO STAFF <

    I would have paid money to see that one Dave... ;D
  10. TomFL

    TomFL Well-Known Member

    2 years ago I was sight-fishing tarpon with a buddy George. Completely still day, no wind, hot as h*ll, standing on the bow waiting for a roller within casting distance.

    There was something crawling around in my shorts, so I scratched in "that" area. Then a burn started to set in, and I told George "I think something just bit me on my you-know-what". So he's laughing as I'm pulling my shorts open to see who dropped what felt like a hot coal down the front of my shorts.

    Low and behold, there's this oak ant - dying from my original scratch in that area but obviously still alive enough to bite the shizzle outta me - doing a number on my manhood, about halfway up the stalk as they say.

    Now the burn is really starting to settle in, coming in waves, and George is cracking up and of course concentrating on fishing is really getting difficult with each passing minute.

    The swelling started soon after that, and before you think to yourself that a little swelling would do most guys some good let me just say that since the d*mn ant bit me on the side of my manhood, that's the only place that swelled up; not the other side. So now I've got what looks like a knot on one side that's bent my best friend in half :eek:, and about this time I'm thinking it'd be best to get to the drug store and get some benadryl as I'm allergic to some bites and it appears oak ants are on the list.

    On the way home I called my wife, with George snickering in the background, and prepared her for when I got home. No, I hadn't been messing around on street corners with shady women. Honest honey, I got bit by an ant. ;) ;)

    Now the next day, George had a charter and he got bit in the ear. Apparantly the ant got into his ear canal prior to getting pissed off, and proceeded to just go crazy in there and George couldn't get him out. Imagine the client's eyes when the dancing guide grabs a can of boeshield, tilts his head to the side, and empties the can into his ear in an effort to drown the ant! :eek:

    Long story short, George was driven so crazy by the ant biting him (he admitted it made him dizzy and I would believe it) he asked the client to drive him to the dock, load his boat for him and drive him to the ER for anti-ant treatment. :)

    He was kind enough to offer the guy a raincheck for another charter.

    Hearing that was all the revenge I needed for all the chiding I got while my willie was warped.

  11. Brett

    Brett > PRO STAFF <

    As a surveyor I get to work in the woods on a regular basis.
    When I do, it's long sleeve shirts and long pants. I get ribbed by
    the guys that work with me, for being all dressed up in the Florida heat.
    We were in the process of clearing brush off a boundary line along an old fence,
    and one of the guys, complaining of the heat, took his shirt off in an
    attempt to cool off. A short time later while climbing over a fallen
    tree trunk, he slipped and landed on his arm in the brush. He went to
    get up and couldn't grab with the arm he'd landed on, so we took him to the ER.
    Broken, greenstick fracture. This being a while back, he ended up with
    a plaster cast. On the way home we stopped at a chinese restaurant.
    Not for food, but for a couple sets of chopsticks. He gave me a funny look
    when I handed them to him.

    "What's this for?"

    "You're gonna need those to scratch under the cast."


    "You don't're really gonna need those."


    "You remember taking off your shirt?"

    "Yeah, so?"

    "When you fell you landed in a patch of poison oak.
    It's gonna be awful hard to scratch under that cast."